and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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