When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
