Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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