i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
