Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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