is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
