Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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