shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
