Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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