whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
honey bunches of taint.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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