Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
