He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
