She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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