There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
