I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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