Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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