addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
