i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
