I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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