You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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