worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
