I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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