Plan B is the new Plan A
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
