yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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