shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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