it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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