Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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