Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
