I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
