I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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