Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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