Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
