Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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