Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
