My room smells like vodka and shame
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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