I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
