Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
