he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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