I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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