she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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