think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
