I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
