I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
