There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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