if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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