I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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