dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
