Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
