1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
