i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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