Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
