I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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