best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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