She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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