May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
