mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
