This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
