btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
