Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
